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Hello friends, 

I want to start this blog off by going back to the time when my life got flipped-turned upside down. (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air quote)

Pretty much up until 8th grade I loved everything about my life.  I loved the friends I had, was a good athlete, had amazing support from both my parents and siblings, got good grades and was going to Saint Ignatius high school with some of my best friends; I thought I had everything.  

In the summer after 8th grade, my parents sat down me, my brother, and my sister in the living room to tell us that my dad had cancer.  It will be a moment that I'll never forget, because it was the beginning of the worst year of our lives.   I stood up in anger and walked to my room immediately, unable to come up with a single word to say. I was in shock.  I was only 14, and at that age no one has a fucking clue how to deal with news like that, but if I could do it all over again I would have sat there with my dad all night.  I was devastated that my dad was sick, but if I put myself in his shoes he was the one who needed support and love; not me.  I wish I sat with him in hopes that I could lessen the immense fear he was probably feeling in that moment.  As children we look up to our parents as if they are indestructible, there to pick us up when we fall and prepare us for the scary world ahead.  In that moment not only did I realize the falsity of that idea, but that sometimes we are the ones who have to stay strong for our parents.  Even though they are older and wiser and seem like they have all the answers... they are still humans.  That night was an example of how I dealt with my dad's illness for the next few months.  I did not want to talk about it, think about it, or accept that this was happening, so I didn't.  I refused to tell my best friends for over 4 months, I rarely asked my dad how HE was feeling or if HE needed anything from me.  I attempted to make my freshman year as normal as possible, instead of being the girl with the dying dad. Obviously that did not last very long. 

 If I could say anything to someone dealing with the very fresh news of a loved ones illness, try to put them before yourself.  Do not hide from your friends or the people who love you, because they want to help you.  Do not expect someone to know what to say to you, just appreciate the fact that someone is TRYING.  In blogs to come I will get into the details of the year we spent with my dad battling cancer. 

Peace and love

anne  

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