Join my Journey

Hello friends, My brain's defense mechanism against the serious trauma I went through was to erase the memories in order to forget the pain I felt in that time.  Although it worked for a few years, the hardest part was realizing I had also lost a lot of the good memories.  When I think back to being 15 or anytime before that, it is all foggy and vague.  If I knew it was going to be difficult to remember my dad as the years went on, I would've kept a journal or taken more photos or jotted down sentences that could help me.   I can ask my mom about certain memories in hopes that it will clear things up for me, but many times she is describing a time through her eyes, which is incredibly different than my experience.  There are a few things I remember, but there is always going to be one memory that sticks around.  Although this may feel like the saddest moment, it also was powerful and special, and that's why I don't think my brain could ever let it ...

(Other people always let you down.  Why don't you forget them and do something for yourself?) -theme Hello friends, I want to talk about heartbreak and all the shitty forms it comes in :) When I think about my dad dying I think of a little piece of my heart physically falling off, never to come back again.  That might seem a little extreme, but when it comes to death that person cannot come back and those feelings can never fully heal.  When it comes to boys or even ending friendships with close friends I see it very differently.    Now I have never been the boy crazy type of girl-  I put myself, volleyball, my friends, even school before thinking about a boy.  Obviously I had my crushes here and there but even the few relationships I had in high school weren't serious and only lasted a few months.  I absolutely love to see other people in love, to watch the movies with happy endings, to hear my mother talk about the love my dad ...

Hi friends, My title of this blog is a tad misleading, because my dad did not even make it a year.  We found out about his cancer in June 2013, and he passed away early May 2014.  From my own memory, I was selfish and some what of a bitch for the first few months of my dad's battle.  One of my most regretful moments that I vividly remember was the embarrassment I felt when my dad walked into the SI gym for one of my first varsity volleyball home games with a fanny pack on, which was distributing his chemo medicine to him.  He walked all the way to the top of the bleachers to sit alone. I bet in that moment he did not feel very good about himself.  I did not think about the fact that my dad would never miss one of my games or how he was my biggest fan, I just felt embarrassed because of a simple fanny pack.  Even writing about it I feel this overwhelming amount of guilt in the way I looked at my dad in that time.  Nothing about being sick is embarrass...

Hello friends,  I want to start this blog off by going back to the time when my life got flipped-turned upside down. (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air quote) Pretty much up until 8th grade I loved everything about my life.  I loved the friends I had, was a good athlete, had amazing support from both my parents and siblings, got good grades and was going to Saint Ignatius high school with some of my best friends; I thought I had everything.   In the summer after 8th grade, my parents sat down me, my brother, and my sister in the living room to tell us that my dad had cancer.  It will be a moment that I'll never forget, because it was the beginning of the worst year of our lives.   I stood up in anger and walked to my room immediately, unable to come up with a single word to say. I was in shock.  I was only 14, and at that age no one has a fucking clue how to deal with news like that, but if I could do it all over again I would have sat there with...

Hello to everyone who decides to read this blog! A lot of people struggle everyday with so many things, but we are all so worried about “bugging people with our issues” or “not wanting to be a burden” that most of us decide to keep it to ourselves. I have done that for many years, so I’ve decided to start this blog. I want to share my experiences not only as an outlet for myself but for anyone out there who thinks they are alone in life’s battles. Maybe you will relate to some things I talk about or hopefully find some comfort knowing that I have been at a lot of low points, but I am still standing and things do get better. I will be covering a lot of things, like losing family members and friends, relationship drama, watching others struggle with addiction, and maybe some other random topics here and there. I have my comments on because if anyone reads this blog and relates to it I’d love to hear other people’s experiences, but also if you are struggling with anything and fee...